CHOOSE SUNDERLAND
It's been a long time since I've seen one of these knocking about so I thought I'd have a go at writing one myself. It's a veiled attempt at humour, and it's basically an exercise to pass the time, so I hope this is taken in the vain it's intended and that the glaring hypocrisy of it is overlooked!!!!
Based on the majestic 'Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh', I give you 'Choose Sunderland'!
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a football team. Choose Newcastle Utd. Choose trying to buy the title and blowing a 12 point lead. Choose humiliating yourself live on Sky when Fergie outwitted you. Choose crying on the tele. Choose only remembering football games from 1993 onwards. Choose 52,000 and forget 9,000. Choose genuflecting in front of Shearer, your hero. Choose Shepherd and Hall. Choose the fake sheikh. Choose scandal all over the national newspapers. Choose Geordie women being called dogs. Choose £5 football shirts. Choose a brothel. Choose bridges, so many bridges in fact you may as well concrete over your stench ridden river. Choose Gullit. Choose dropping your star man. Choose losing to your local rivals. Choose the rematch and recalling your hero. Choose him missing a pen in the last minute. Choose wearing your shirt every day on holiday. Choose sweat patches. Choose Keiron Dyer. Choose 7 up. Choose sacking a man like Bobby Robson. Choose Bramble. Choose Guivarch. Choose Fumaca. Choose Boumsong. Choose Cacapa. Choose Smith. Choose 20,000 fans coming to welcome Owen. Choose 52,000 booing him. Choose Allardyce, the Mackem. Choose injuries. Choose mental tactics. Choose Derby County. Twice. Choose Fat Ashley. Choose his shirt. Choose stretch marks. Choose the Bigg Market. Choose him clubbing. Choose one rule for one and one for the other. Choose 10 grand tips so he can dance in his shirt. Choose your airport of which your so inherently proud, even though Sunderland own it too. Choose reappointing Keegan. Choose Special K. Choose the Messiah in January even though he'll be executed at Easter. Choose entertaining football. Choose booing. Choose racial abuse at Mido. Choose racial abuse at Hadji and Chippo. Choose waving cereal boxes at Keegan. Choose no win since December. Choose a European challenge becoming a relegation battle. Choose delusion. Choose spitting the dummy out. Choose blaming Shearer. Choose Shearer undermining your boss on national TV. Choose idiot fans not eating bacon because it's red and white. Choose obesity. Choose Greggs. Choose thrashing after thrashing. Choose being a big club despite winning nowt for God knows how many years. Choose the Fairs cup that no longer exists. Choose the Intertoto Cup. Choose Scott Parker looking proud holding it. Choose debt. Choose a hotch potch stadium. Choose Friends of the Town Moor (FTM) protesting against a new stadium. Choose a 'soccer circus'.
Fuck that! I chose Sunderland. I chose a life!
