This is perhaps going to look out of place on a blog that I set up (and neglected) primarily for football issues, but hey, there's always a place for randomness!
The Answer to the Meaning of Life is: CARROT!
I plan to start on a serious note, before becoming progressively lighter; prior to crashing head first into plain stupidity, so stay with me here!
There are many theories about the meaning of life, ranging from each human reaching a level of goodness whereby they no longer need to be re-born, to the belief that we're all part of something much bigger; small particles of a grand design.
For me, it's far simpler than that.
In order to demonstrate my theory, I'll use the carrot.
An ugly green mop of hair, protruding from a muddy crop, appearing to many, at first glance, as nothing more than a weed that is passed on their way to admiring the rose beds.
Symbolic, perhaps, of the judgemental society within which we co-exist.
Like anything else, when we scratch beneath the surface, setting aside stereotypes, judgements and prejudices, the carrot is as good an example as any to show the beauty that often lies within.
For if the ignorant among us, who's gaze is firmly fixated upon those rose beds, demonstrated the most minor horticultural skill (risking the wrath, of course, of the farmer!) and took the time to examine the body attached to the unsightly green mop that lies beneath the surface, they may find themselves pleasantly surprised.
Therein lies a vegetable, full of nutrition, flavour, freshness, colour and potential.
This of course, symbolically speaking, is why a large proportion of the lives of those in society today remain unfulfilled....we simply don't look hard enough.
The meaning of life to me is simple:
We are here to love and respect one another, understand one another and discover the Samaritan within. I fear we'll never find such a utopia, which is why life is often described as eternal.
To those people who are quick to judge, who find it easy to turn a blind eye and whose flexibility is so rigid I could use it as a stick to beat them with (!), I say simply this:
Enjoy your salad, but watch out for the thorns from the roses!
Me, I'll enjoy my carrot!
______________________________________________
Lightening up!
If we can all add a little carrot to our lives, we'll surely reap the rewards:
Courage
Ambition
Respect
Remorse
hOnour (OK, I'm cheating)
sTrength (once I start, I just can't stop!)
______________________________________________
Crashing into stupidity!
Don't walk around in a daze,
Marching with your eyes wide shut.
Scratch beneath the surface
There's a broad horizon afoot.
Don't march towards to the rose beds,
Come and pull my hair
Uproot me and I'll turn heads
With my fiery orange glare
Wash me down and taste me
You can even remove my skin
For the meaning of life has to be
The tenderness within
Don't walk around in a daze
Like all the other mugs
I'm startling and I'll amaze
And I'm good enough for Bugs!
Our world is like a pick n mix
Decidedly disparate
So when you're needing guidance
Please, turn to the CARROT!
Lee Adams - 25th September 2008
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
JoeyBobThorntons™ - Veni Vidi Vici (U10897996)
Dear Mackems,
Over the last year or so a guy by the name of JoeyBobThorntons, BobToTheFuture and God knows how many other names he used has blighted our boards!
I actually became so fed up with him that I approached him on Facebook and it turns out he aint that bad a guy. He's quite funny if you catch him in a good mood!
The thing is, I took a bet with him that I'd kiss his Baggie badge and post a picture on Facebook if they get promoted, which it looks like they will!
I know you'll all feel sad that this WUM has one up on me, so I couldn't let it lie!
I need my revenge so I thought I'd give you a bit of an insight to what JoeyBob gets up to in his social time.
He's certainly taken 'chucking shapes' to a new level. Check out the little finger!! Hahahaha.
Finally, I know Bob has had a plethora of different banned IDs, therefore we also have our answer to the guy responsible for all of the 1* ratings on 606!
Did you notice his latest article got FIVE 5 star ratings within minutes?!
Bob, you've been had mate!
Over the last year or so a guy by the name of JoeyBobThorntons, BobToTheFuture and God knows how many other names he used has blighted our boards!
I actually became so fed up with him that I approached him on Facebook and it turns out he aint that bad a guy. He's quite funny if you catch him in a good mood!
The thing is, I took a bet with him that I'd kiss his Baggie badge and post a picture on Facebook if they get promoted, which it looks like they will!
I know you'll all feel sad that this WUM has one up on me, so I couldn't let it lie!
I need my revenge so I thought I'd give you a bit of an insight to what JoeyBob gets up to in his social time.
He's certainly taken 'chucking shapes' to a new level. Check out the little finger!! Hahahaha.
Finally, I know Bob has had a plethora of different banned IDs, therefore we also have our answer to the guy responsible for all of the 1* ratings on 606!
Did you notice his latest article got FIVE 5 star ratings within minutes?!
Bob, you've been had mate!
Monday, 14 April 2008
Mike Riley Comedy: Sunderland 1-2 Man City
Afta saturday's debacle, it's only fittin dat any subsequent match reports iz writtun in da more apt stylie dan usual, therefore, considerin da magnitude hof Mr Riley's comical performance, i'd dig to encapsulate iz efforts in me writin technique:
Despite da boss Keane's many, many warnings regardin da complacency durin da week, Sunderland still managed to start da game sluggishly.
I's av noticed da Darryl Murphy's improvement hof late, but I still chek hit batty dat e gets iz start up front whun surely hit would make more sense to borrow Chopra iz place an' brin Carlos in on da East side. Perhaps we'll chek dis implemented whun iz fitness iz hat it's optimum.
Anyhow, I is digressing.
A near sold hout crowd, boosted by wot can only be described as Citeh's smallest away followin eva to be seun hat da SOL, wuz soon to realise dat today wasn't one fe da purist like I is. Most hof Sunderland's heavy play came from our pip geeza Andy Reid, although despite iz array hof passin an' probin through balls, hit wuz evident to all dat we wuz da notch or two missin.
The first half passed, almost wivvout incident, although hit gives me narr pleasure to state dat if we wuz mingin, Citeh wuzd'abundantly worse. Perhaps dey suffered like we did in dat, ratha prematurely, our players decided dat dere wuz naffink to play fe.
At half bells we wuz all wonderin from where da spark would spitz. To be fair, da second half did start much betta. Chopra wuz provin da thorn in dare side, thun, wiv da introducshun hof edwards, tings looked like dey might start to happun fe us.
The mercurial carlos wowed us all wiv da dijits hof delightful touches, turns an' crosses, an' just as though hit looked like we would finally make da breakthrough, Mike Riley decided dat da game wuz still too flat an' dat surely e should be able to impact upon hit if da players would not.
Cue da hopefull ball down da middle.
Cue da run by sturridge an' a bangin recovery blok from bardsley (I think).
Cue nyron amblin in behind sturridge.
Cue Sturridge tumblin in instalments an' dat batty bwoy riley awardin da spot kik.
Elano duely converted an' Citeh, bizarrely, wuz 1-0 up despite not evun tryin to win da game! Riley had bin woeful all afternoon, contributin wiv all manna hof batty decisions. Sunderland levelled shortly afterwards, Reid again da orchestrator an' Whitehead finishin off wiv an emphatic volley.
There wuz only gonna be one winna from then on in da house, an' dat wuz Sunderland. Or wuz hit? Riley allowed anotha ridiculous challenge to pass in da middle hof da park an' da followin through ball seun Vassell convert da most ridiculous, batty goal I've seun in da long bells. Game ova.
Lacklustre, complacent an' slak iz da fittest way to describe da Sunderland. Non-existent iz da fittest way to describe da City. Utta Ali G comedy iz da fittest way to describe da joke dat iz Mike Riley. West Side. Is it coz I is black?
Despite da boss Keane's many, many warnings regardin da complacency durin da week, Sunderland still managed to start da game sluggishly.
I's av noticed da Darryl Murphy's improvement hof late, but I still chek hit batty dat e gets iz start up front whun surely hit would make more sense to borrow Chopra iz place an' brin Carlos in on da East side. Perhaps we'll chek dis implemented whun iz fitness iz hat it's optimum.
Anyhow, I is digressing.
A near sold hout crowd, boosted by wot can only be described as Citeh's smallest away followin eva to be seun hat da SOL, wuz soon to realise dat today wasn't one fe da purist like I is. Most hof Sunderland's heavy play came from our pip geeza Andy Reid, although despite iz array hof passin an' probin through balls, hit wuz evident to all dat we wuz da notch or two missin.
The first half passed, almost wivvout incident, although hit gives me narr pleasure to state dat if we wuz mingin, Citeh wuzd'abundantly worse. Perhaps dey suffered like we did in dat, ratha prematurely, our players decided dat dere wuz naffink to play fe.
At half bells we wuz all wonderin from where da spark would spitz. To be fair, da second half did start much betta. Chopra wuz provin da thorn in dare side, thun, wiv da introducshun hof edwards, tings looked like dey might start to happun fe us.
The mercurial carlos wowed us all wiv da dijits hof delightful touches, turns an' crosses, an' just as though hit looked like we would finally make da breakthrough, Mike Riley decided dat da game wuz still too flat an' dat surely e should be able to impact upon hit if da players would not.
Cue da hopefull ball down da middle.
Cue da run by sturridge an' a bangin recovery blok from bardsley (I think).
Cue nyron amblin in behind sturridge.
Cue Sturridge tumblin in instalments an' dat batty bwoy riley awardin da spot kik.
Elano duely converted an' Citeh, bizarrely, wuz 1-0 up despite not evun tryin to win da game! Riley had bin woeful all afternoon, contributin wiv all manna hof batty decisions. Sunderland levelled shortly afterwards, Reid again da orchestrator an' Whitehead finishin off wiv an emphatic volley.
There wuz only gonna be one winna from then on in da house, an' dat wuz Sunderland. Or wuz hit? Riley allowed anotha ridiculous challenge to pass in da middle hof da park an' da followin through ball seun Vassell convert da most ridiculous, batty goal I've seun in da long bells. Game ova.
Lacklustre, complacent an' slak iz da fittest way to describe da Sunderland. Non-existent iz da fittest way to describe da City. Utta Ali G comedy iz da fittest way to describe da joke dat iz Mike Riley. West Side. Is it coz I is black?
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Cardiff Saved By English Grandmother
Europe beckons Cardiff City after it was discovered that the club has English grandparents. The Bluebirds had feared that their UEFA Cup dreams were to be dashed owing to their undeniable Welshness, but their family tree has come to the rescue.
Born in Wales
UEFA rules clearly state that clubs must be from the country they are competing in to qualify for the club cup competitions, rules that would have denied Cardiff should they beat Portsmouth in the FA Cup next month.
Stern eurocrats were all too ready to enforce the cruel laws before Albert and Edith Cardiff-City were tracked down in their retirement home in Eastbourne and confirmed their Englishness.
Welsh mother
"We're as English as the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh," Albert chirpily told a reporter. "Why only yesterday I complained about the number of darkies moving in after reading an article about it in the Daily Mail."
The news came as an immense relief to Cardiff chairman Peter Ridsdale. "The money we'll get from the Thursday 5.30 slot on Channel 5 will be a godsend. Hopefully we'll get one of the big boys like Levski Sofia or Skonto Riga. Millwall have already shown it's possible to compete in Europe and do well in the Championship."
Brother called Rhodri
But the revelation is bitter-sweet to the thousands of fiercly proud Welsh supporters of the club: "We'll just have to get used to fact we're English now," one fan told us as a tear ran down his coal-blackened face. "Since the news broke I've already become crap at rugby."
Born in Wales
UEFA rules clearly state that clubs must be from the country they are competing in to qualify for the club cup competitions, rules that would have denied Cardiff should they beat Portsmouth in the FA Cup next month.
Stern eurocrats were all too ready to enforce the cruel laws before Albert and Edith Cardiff-City were tracked down in their retirement home in Eastbourne and confirmed their Englishness.
Welsh mother
"We're as English as the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh," Albert chirpily told a reporter. "Why only yesterday I complained about the number of darkies moving in after reading an article about it in the Daily Mail."
The news came as an immense relief to Cardiff chairman Peter Ridsdale. "The money we'll get from the Thursday 5.30 slot on Channel 5 will be a godsend. Hopefully we'll get one of the big boys like Levski Sofia or Skonto Riga. Millwall have already shown it's possible to compete in Europe and do well in the Championship."
Brother called Rhodri
But the revelation is bitter-sweet to the thousands of fiercly proud Welsh supporters of the club: "We'll just have to get used to fact we're English now," one fan told us as a tear ran down his coal-blackened face. "Since the news broke I've already become crap at rugby."
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
If I had the bricks of a builder.......
If I had the bricks of a builder,
A cement mixer and ladders too,
If I had plenty of Guilder,
Here is just what I'd do....
I'd knock up a wall around SJP,
I'd build it real high and I'd shout:
"Hey Geordies, you're locked in forever,
And no, I won't let you out!"
From then on we'd not have to hear them,
And the bleating and whining within,
It would serve upon them a message,
And show them the depths of their sin.
For all of their pissing and moaning,
Would allow the unwashed to see,
That their self-pity and their self-loathing;
No success will it guarantee.
Now take a peek at your Mackem brothers,
Showing faith in a manager who's class,
Who can piss on the paedo that's Keegan,
And any of the Premier's top brass.
Roll on April 20th,
a fixture earmarked since June,
When the Mackems roll into Scumland
And piss right all over the Toon!
The Geordie Dictionary
A - Amnesia. Geordie amnesia is the art of conveniently forgetting about anything that occurred prior to 1993.
B - Booing. Geordie booing is their anthem and can be heard regularly within the confines of SJP.
C - Cheering. Geordie cheering is an archaic word, last used to describe the celebrations of their fans some time in the 1950's.
D - Delusion. Geordie delusion is one of the most common words used on Tyneside and around the UK to describe the state of mind that believes Ronaldinho is signing tomorrow.
E - Embarassment. Geordie embarassment is the practice of waving serial boxes at Kevin Keegan.
F - Failure. Geordie failure is a common practice carried out by many, many club representatives over more than 50 years, most notably messrs Shearer and Keegan.
G - Gullit. Geordie Gullit is the practice of dropping your star striker for a local derby match, replacing him with an untried youngster and tends to happen the day before the Toon (see T) demand that the board sack the manager.
H - Hallucinogenic. Geordie Hallucinogenic is a prescription drug supplied for free on Tyneside and it prevents or eradicates an inferiority complex by making all Geordies believe that they are the best fans in the world and that they have a divine right to win something (and that they soon will).
I - Idiocy. Geordie idiocy is an infection exclusive to Tynesiders. It can be hilarious to watch and often keeps onlookers entertained for hours.
J - Jokes. Geordie jokes are plentiful and can be found all over the internet. They're all factual and sure to keep you amused.
K - Keegan. Geordie Keegan is best described under F and M.
L - Losing. Geordie losing is to be used in the sporting sense of regularly losing football matches. It is not to be confused with it's other meaning which can be used in the phrase 'losing weight'.
M - Messiah. Geordie Messiah is an odd man with a perm, often likened to branflakes/special K.
N - Nails. Geordie nails are always filthy.
O - Obesity. Geordie obesity is the state of fitting in with your peers.
P - Pasties. Geordie pasties are served 4 times a day 7 days a week.
Q - Questions. Geordie questions generally go like this "How, hinny, hows ya hat ye horrible hower?"
R - Rivals. Geordie rivals tend to be the Mackems, but they did once tell the world that Man Utd were now their 'derby'! Remember that?
S - Shearer. Geordie Shearer is the description of men who lack charisma, hair and medals.
T - Toon. Geordie Toon is a war cry derived from their name for 'town'.....even though they live in a city. Odd.
U - Upset. Geordie upset. Presumably you saw them cry on the tele too?
V - Vanity. Geordie vanity. See D.
W - Censored.
X - X-Men. Geordie X-Men is a term that describes the vast levels of mutation among the brethren. Can also relate to Geordie Xenophobia. They are all racists!
Y - Yearning. Geordie yearning is the state of longing for a trophy before Geordie Hallucinogenic is prescribed.
Z - Zebra. Geordie Zebra is the description of how they look on a matchday.
B - Booing. Geordie booing is their anthem and can be heard regularly within the confines of SJP.
C - Cheering. Geordie cheering is an archaic word, last used to describe the celebrations of their fans some time in the 1950's.
D - Delusion. Geordie delusion is one of the most common words used on Tyneside and around the UK to describe the state of mind that believes Ronaldinho is signing tomorrow.
E - Embarassment. Geordie embarassment is the practice of waving serial boxes at Kevin Keegan.
F - Failure. Geordie failure is a common practice carried out by many, many club representatives over more than 50 years, most notably messrs Shearer and Keegan.
G - Gullit. Geordie Gullit is the practice of dropping your star striker for a local derby match, replacing him with an untried youngster and tends to happen the day before the Toon (see T) demand that the board sack the manager.
H - Hallucinogenic. Geordie Hallucinogenic is a prescription drug supplied for free on Tyneside and it prevents or eradicates an inferiority complex by making all Geordies believe that they are the best fans in the world and that they have a divine right to win something (and that they soon will).
I - Idiocy. Geordie idiocy is an infection exclusive to Tynesiders. It can be hilarious to watch and often keeps onlookers entertained for hours.
J - Jokes. Geordie jokes are plentiful and can be found all over the internet. They're all factual and sure to keep you amused.
K - Keegan. Geordie Keegan is best described under F and M.
L - Losing. Geordie losing is to be used in the sporting sense of regularly losing football matches. It is not to be confused with it's other meaning which can be used in the phrase 'losing weight'.
M - Messiah. Geordie Messiah is an odd man with a perm, often likened to branflakes/special K.
N - Nails. Geordie nails are always filthy.
O - Obesity. Geordie obesity is the state of fitting in with your peers.
P - Pasties. Geordie pasties are served 4 times a day 7 days a week.
Q - Questions. Geordie questions generally go like this "How, hinny, hows ya hat ye horrible hower?"
R - Rivals. Geordie rivals tend to be the Mackems, but they did once tell the world that Man Utd were now their 'derby'! Remember that?
S - Shearer. Geordie Shearer is the description of men who lack charisma, hair and medals.
T - Toon. Geordie Toon is a war cry derived from their name for 'town'.....even though they live in a city. Odd.
U - Upset. Geordie upset. Presumably you saw them cry on the tele too?
V - Vanity. Geordie vanity. See D.
W - Censored.
X - X-Men. Geordie X-Men is a term that describes the vast levels of mutation among the brethren. Can also relate to Geordie Xenophobia. They are all racists!
Y - Yearning. Geordie yearning is the state of longing for a trophy before Geordie Hallucinogenic is prescribed.
Z - Zebra. Geordie Zebra is the description of how they look on a matchday.
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