Mike Riley Comedy: Sunderland 1-2 Man City

Afta saturday's debacle, it's only fittin dat any subsequent match reports iz writtun in da more apt stylie dan usual, therefore, considerin da magnitude hof Mr Riley's comical performance, i'd dig to encapsulate iz efforts in me writin technique:

Despite da boss Keane's many, many warnings regardin da complacency durin da week, Sunderland still managed to start da game sluggishly.

I's av noticed da Darryl Murphy's improvement hof late, but I still chek hit batty dat e gets iz start up front whun surely hit would make more sense to borrow Chopra iz place an' brin Carlos in on da East side. Perhaps we'll chek dis implemented whun iz fitness iz hat it's optimum.

Anyhow, I is digressing.

A near sold hout crowd, boosted by wot can only be described as Citeh's smallest away followin eva to be seun hat da SOL, wuz soon to realise dat today wasn't one fe da purist like I is. Most hof Sunderland's heavy play came from our pip geeza Andy Reid, although despite iz array hof passin an' probin through balls, hit wuz evident to all dat we wuz da notch or two missin.

The first half passed, almost wivvout incident, although hit gives me narr pleasure to state dat if we wuz mingin, Citeh wuzd'abundantly worse. Perhaps dey suffered like we did in dat, ratha prematurely, our players decided dat dere wuz naffink to play fe.

At half bells we wuz all wonderin from where da spark would spitz. To be fair, da second half did start much betta. Chopra wuz provin da thorn in dare side, thun, wiv da introducshun hof edwards, tings looked like dey might start to happun fe us.

The mercurial carlos wowed us all wiv da dijits hof delightful touches, turns an' crosses, an' just as though hit looked like we would finally make da breakthrough, Mike Riley decided dat da game wuz still too flat an' dat surely e should be able to impact upon hit if da players would not.

Cue da hopefull ball down da middle.

Cue da run by sturridge an' a bangin recovery blok from bardsley (I think).

Cue nyron amblin in behind sturridge.

Cue Sturridge tumblin in instalments an' dat batty bwoy riley awardin da spot kik.

Elano duely converted an' Citeh, bizarrely, wuz 1-0 up despite not evun tryin to win da game! Riley had bin woeful all afternoon, contributin wiv all manna hof batty decisions. Sunderland levelled shortly afterwards, Reid again da orchestrator an' Whitehead finishin off wiv an emphatic volley.

There wuz only gonna be one winna from then on in da house, an' dat wuz Sunderland. Or wuz hit? Riley allowed anotha ridiculous challenge to pass in da middle hof da park an' da followin through ball seun Vassell convert da most ridiculous, batty goal I've seun in da long bells. Game ova.

Lacklustre, complacent an' slak iz da fittest way to describe da Sunderland. Non-existent iz da fittest way to describe da City. Utta Ali G comedy iz da fittest way to describe da joke dat iz Mike Riley. West Side. Is it coz I is black?